Shoulder Pain Eventually Ended, Thankfully

When I began my journey in strength training, my right shoulder was in a steady state of pain.  The pain would vary according to what was going on that week, if I carried a backpack for consecutive days, if I sat too much at a computer, or if I slept on my right side for too long. At one point a constant in my life, I no longer have shoulder pain and I know it is because I changed my approach to strength training as well as developed a strong core to improve my posture.

It was a curious pain. It felt like a needle was pulling my bicep apart. Occasionally it felt like someone was standing on my collarbone. I rarely went a day without being aware of my shoulder pain. It was directly the result of three falls - two flights of stairs, one trip and fall. 

So, when approached with the idea of strength training I was more than wary about my range of motion and capacity for lifting. I gave it a try though because I was assured the workout only allowed for safe, controlled movements. I trained weekly and was ever cautious about exceeding my pain threshold. My lingering shoulder pain became less prevalent.

I was doing more than working out. I was reframing my understanding of body mechanics.  Learning the technique and technical background of high intensity interval training while applying it to my own body helped me develop a shared language with my clients about how each exercise directly benefits their body. High intensity interval training works muscles to their furthest extent in safe bursts. The intent is to reach failure in the range of motion for whichever particular muscle group is being worked. By elongating and expending your muscles to their furthest capacity, your muscles heal with an increased ability to sustain further growth. Thus resulting in strength gain in the recovery process.

Maintaining ranges of motion in all of our muscle groups becomes increasingly important as we age. Muscles atrophy over time and high intensity interval training is a dynamic method of preventing the effects of an aging musculature system. Initially as I began my training sessions, I safely worked the muscles supporting my shoulder – deltoids, trapezius, lats, pecs, etc – by restricting the movements on particular exercises while still challenging the muscle groups while also focusing strengthening my core and back muscles. Simultaneous outcomes became evident: my shoulder was healing and my posture was improving.

As I expand my understanding of anatomy, physiology and biology, I’m developing workouts that reinforce safe body mechanics for day-to-day, routine movements. Entering my fifth year of working as a strength trainer, I continually challenge myself to find more effective ways to communicate the importance of core strength and the benefits of overall strength training. Sharing my own journey to wellness is usually a great place to start.

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My Journey to Personal Training

Over the course of my professional career, I've cultivated a litany of technical and management skills that apply to public infrastructure projects, public policy, and non-profit administration. I've worked in the private, non-profit, and public sectors while nurturing a vision of compassionate leadership and community building.  On paper, my experiences and track record seem to be leading toward administrative positions.

Something always feels out of place though. I'm too overwhelmed with the workload. Or, I'm not feeling heard. Or, the patriarchal structure inhibits my femininity. Or, phenomenology is not regarded as valid research. Or, or, or...I can always find something wrong.

At a time of great transition - i.e. enrolled in a PhD program that dissolved due to lack of state funding - and part-time work in a salvage store, I challenged myself to remember when I was content with how I spent my time. That landed me in a flurry of high school memories about being a student-athlete. Being an athlete was something so integral to my life that, in 12th grade, I testified at a local School Board hearing that cutting funds from the Athletic Department would be to the detriment of youth development across our city.

In remembering the satisfaction of playing hard, I was also struck with how quickly that part of my life ended when I went to college. I didn't recognize the void until I let myself shine some light in there. My ego was bruised for not being chosen to play Division 1 sports, which was my only baseline for consideration at the time. My own high standards prevented me from continuing on the 'athlete's journey.' These were my choices, and fifteen years later I understood the effect of my choices. I didn't fully mourn the loss of that part of my identity after high school.

Recognizing that my experience as an athlete helps qualify me as a fitness coach, all I did was muse, "I could be a trainer." As if my words cast a spell, a regular customer at the salvage store told me that her husband is a trainer, coincidentally, and his gym is looking for more trainers. They trained me in High Intensity Interval Training and the gym has specialized MedX equipment – a training regimen for efficient and effective strength training.

Personal training allows me to embrace my athletic self while encouraging others to start and finish something really hard – a workout session. I like to affirm with my clients, “May this be the hardest thing you have to do today.” It’ll likely not be the hardest thing they’ll have to deal with generally, but in the time they are with me, they will be celebrated for doing something that’s not easy. My training philosophy centers on normalizing where people are at currently while encouraging growth and strength gain in ways that make sense for their bodies.

As I increase my baseline knowledge about anatomy, physiology, biology, and body awareness, I continue to tap into a deeper understanding of how to engage with people on their body journey. In this role, I’m able to unapologetically embody my ethos: “There is no less than” and that everyone’s journey is valid. My positivity and ability to reflect the best in others can extend unfettered in this setting. Being a personal trainer allows me to extend the path that I once poured a lot of energy into while setting a new course where I feel perfectly in place.

Throwback Journaling

December 19, 2012

I wrote this two days before the end of dates recorded on the Mayan calendar. Times were turbulent and I wrote it out...

Two days before the end of the world, don't ya know. My heart feels sick, like it does so often...filled with sadness, grief, fear, failure, uncertainty, shadowed, and torn. The pit in my stomach forces its way to my throat closing it tight constricting my life. My mom says she's proud of me for searching and seeking but maybe the search is a guise for depression. Why should  I be depressed I ask myself - I'm safe, I have family that loves me, I've known no oppression nor war. I'm upset that I don't have a father, I'm still grieving that space that's never been filled. My search will never end because that void can't be filled, its a part of me. The emptiness I know is who I am. I've been trying to refill that emptiness with love but there's only so much surrogate love in the world. Aren't there other people in this world raised by single parent that aren't inhibited by their knowledge of being abandoned? Aren't there other people who've been raised by both parents that feel lost? I'm not special in this respect, it is my experience though and it feels like my experience is making it difficult for me to be a functional adult. I don't want responsibility...makes sense to me, why should I be responsible if the man that was responsible for me didn't take responsibility. I don't want a relationship...makes sense to me, why should I if the people who I'm supposed to look for an example in my mom and dad didn't want a relationship. I know want kids...etc, etc, etc. Its hard feeling unwanted, even if the whole world says it wants you. That one person made it clear that you're unwanted, and that's the one that sticks. I was angry for  a while and that's what motivated me. I'm not angry anymore. It got replaced with sadness. Sadness doesn't motivate unfortunately.

I've grown a lot since this...and I feel that hole I was referring to is still steadily being filled with love and it is nourishing me in the ways I hoped.